Epic Quotes

..............
WHAT
XD

Ahaha your family always. I feel like your mom and my mom would get along quite well.

So my mom is a high school teacher and she has this class period called mentor period, and occasionally she'll be given topics to discuss in it.
Today's topic was profanity.
She goes to start the lesson and none of the students are listening so she just goes HOLY SHIT IT'S TIME TO START THE LESSON. Of course they payed attention after that.

Later one of the students was saying something like "There's no way Ms. G would say the F-word" and my mom goes "yeah there's no fucking way you'll get me to say that."
I just can't even. She almost never swears!

Wow NS, your family... xDDD

lol Ema, did she tell you about it?
AND DID SHE SAY THE F WORD WHEN SHE DID?

Yeah, my mom doesn't like the word either.
I still get confused when she says it... even though she's been saying it more as our own personal economy gets nastier and nastier.

xD.....
and not xD

XD Oh yeah THAT story XDDD My mum's been swearing around me a lot recently, but usually in a jokey way to her sisters

So today I was watching some show with my cousin and uncle where a guy's arms were blown off and his wife was talking to the detective who was explaining to her the situation.
Woman: MY HUSBAND'S IN HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW WITH HIS ARMS BLOWN OFF AND YOU EXPECT ME TO BE CALM???
Uncle: Shut up you stupid cow and listen

Ahaha yes. Your Uncle is win.

And yes Wunder she told me about it. And she used the actual words.
I died laughing.

xD

Mum saying loudly from another part of the house: YOU KNOW YOU DON'T NEED TO PUT YOUR GREY HOODIES IN THE WASH BASKET ONCE A WEEK
Me: HOW MUCH THEN?
Mum: ONCE EVERY 2 OR 3 WEEKS. IT'S NOT LIKE IT TOUCHES YOUR SMELLY BITS
Me: OKAY
Mum: LIKE YOUR UNDERARMS OR YOUR WILLY
Me: OKAY MUM!!!

................
You should wash your clothes weekly
...
ew

AHAHAHAHAHA

Riu wrote:................
You should wash your clothes weekly
...
ew

According to her, hoodies are fine for longer

I dunno

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Gotta love your mom, NS. As I read that, I thought of the dad from American Pie and couldn't stop laughing. XD

Me, about ferris wheels: You're just hanging there in a basket waiting to DIE.

You just reminded me of something my father said to me while we were riding a Ferris wheel. XD

My dad: Well, if a roller coaster breaks down, at least you go careening off the tracks and die instantly. If a Ferris wheel breaks down at its hinges and just keeps rolling, you just keep going around in a circle until you die slowly and painfully. And that is why I am not scared of roller coasters, but I am scared of Ferris wheels.

XDDDDD

Rose_Lida wrote:You just reminded me of something my father said to me while we were riding a Ferris wheel. XD

My dad: Well, if a roller coaster breaks down, at least you go careening off the tracks and die instantly. If a Ferris wheel breaks down at its hinges and just keeps rolling, you just keep going around in a circle until you die slowly and painfully. And that is why I am not scared of roller coasters, but I am scared of Ferris wheels.

My GOD, that makes sense!

HAHAHA CAN'T STOP LAUGHING XDDD YOUR DAD ROCKS

Man... I just hate all rides!

Unless it's a gi- I MEAN A CAR


...BUWHAHAHAHAHA CAR XDDDDDDD

............
WHAT XD

IT'S A CAR! AND THAT'S A FACT!

Me: That's enough airbanding. I'll call my grandpa to pick me up in a bit
Friend: ...Those were the greatest 2 things to say in a row in the world
Me: Haha why?
Friend: It just sounded hilarious

Nintendosaiyan wrote:IT'S A CAR! AND THAT'S A FACT!

*dies*

..................

So my mum's weird friend was round and my dad came home at midnight just now, thinking she'd have gone by then. But she was still there and he walked in and said "how was your night with Pinchy?" When he noticed she was still there him and my mum started acting to make it better.
Dad: ...I pinched my arm when I was taking off my coat
Mum: Ignore him, he's drunk

Then later he was like "it smells of unused soap powder..." and the friend was like "oh that's probably my perfume..." Of course, there was no way out of that one.

When she finally left my dad was like "your mum's gonna start shouting at meeeeee..." but then my mum walked in and just bursted out laughing. So we were all laughing about it for like 10 or 15 minutes XD They're just the best

Dad: What you looking for now?
Me: Batteries
Dad: It's 1am, why don't you finish your game quickly and do batteries in the morning?
Me: I need them to play the game
Dad: Then stop the game and continue where you left off tomorrow
Me: I can't do that
Dad: Yes you can
Me: Nope I'm in the middle of it so I can't
Dad: Yes you can
Me: No I can't
Dad: Yes you can
Me: No
Dad: Yes you can
Me: No I caaaaaan't
Dad: Yes you can. You can pause it
Me: I don't want to leave it overnight!!! Lemme just finish it!

"The internet is like driving: people never cease to prove how fucked up they are."

My uncle didn't notice there was a biker in the way and drove forward. I noticed from the back seat.
He blamed the biker O_O

Infact I think I told that story before