Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
+2
Aliucon
WunderbarPhalanges
6 posters
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Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by Aliucon Wed Jan 07, 2009 8:56 am
I read that fic...and...
It was good...I liked the way you made the trial so quick and non-interesting, reflecting Phoenix's vision of it...but upon the thought that he had overreacted, in the end, it should have had more emphasis, in my opinion.
I guess. I'm not an expert writer. o.o
It was good...I liked the way you made the trial so quick and non-interesting, reflecting Phoenix's vision of it...but upon the thought that he had overreacted, in the end, it should have had more emphasis, in my opinion.
I guess. I'm not an expert writer. o.o
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Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by WunderbarPhalanges Wed Jan 07, 2009 8:57 am
I was just throwing it out. I wrote it in like 10 to 15 minutes. I agree with you that more emphasis would have been a good thing.
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Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by Aliucon Wed Jan 07, 2009 9:00 am
It's a pretty damn good story for one written so fast. I usually take an hour or more to make chapters for my stories...
Aliucon- Admin
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Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by WunderbarPhalanges Wed Jan 07, 2009 9:03 am
Now only if I could have written papers that fast when I was in college.
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Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by Aliucon Wed Jan 07, 2009 9:05 am
Yeah, you should have started writing PW fanfiction back there...then you'd be pretty quick at typing/writing. XD
Aliucon- Admin
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Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by WunderbarPhalanges Wed Jan 07, 2009 9:07 am
lol
It's the matter of wanting to do it as opposed to, "NO, I DON'T WANNNA!"
It's the matter of wanting to do it as opposed to, "NO, I DON'T WANNNA!"
WunderbarPhalanges- Admin
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Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by blinq Wed Jan 07, 2009 11:15 am
WunderbarPhalanges wrote:
- Spoiler:
Prayer ~ The Scarlet Pimpernel
No, stay…
I don’t care what you’ve said or done
Don’t go away…
Not now when life has just begun
The way the two had parted had been as far from positive as one could get. The day that Phoenix walked in on Maya and Edgeworth kissing was still one of the most painful of his life. The betrayal stung him, that Maya would do that… he wouldn’t have thought it of her. The apologies were useless. They meant nothing to his broken heart, and yet… now that she was gone, his world seemed empty. She was gone and he had enough pride that the thought of chasing after her made him feel idiotic. It was over now, that was how the story ended, or so he would have thought. A case came in, he didn’t feel like taking it, but the desperation that the defendant displayed was enough to win him over. Despite his low mood, he arrived in court early. The defendant couldn’t have been more of a mess, the screaming and wailing at the loss of her husband reminded him that things could have been worse, much worse for him. The trial went smoothly, as smoothly as a messy case like that could go. The defendant found not guilty, Phoenix having done his job. He sighed, running his hand through his hair, defending opposite of Edgeworth had been a difficult task. Yet, strangely, in the deepest parts of himself… he was no longer bitter, no longer angry about the whole episode. He felt now as if he had overreacted, it was only a kiss, he knew that that was all that it was, yet he had thrown Maya onto the curb, something he soon began to regret. Life without her wasn’t complete, he sighed as he put his key into the door of his apartment. As he locked the door, he realized that it had been unlocked before. Warily, he unlocked the door and carefully entered the apartment. The one word he heard and the voice it belonged to made his heart stand still, “Nick…”
Somehow, together there was a stab in his heart, yet a lifting as well. As he looked over in the direction of the voice, his blue met with her brown. There was a silence between them, an uncomfortable one at that, but it wasn’t long ‘til he warily took her into his arms and vowed to never let her go again.
that was brilliant
blinq- God of Hugs
- Number of posts : 5626
Age : 31
Registration date : 2008-12-13
Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by WunderbarPhalanges Wed Jan 07, 2009 11:49 am
.•°٭blinq٭°•. wrote:WunderbarPhalanges wrote:
- Spoiler:
Prayer ~ The Scarlet Pimpernel
No, stay…
I don’t care what you’ve said or done
Don’t go away…
Not now when life has just begun
The way the two had parted had been as far from positive as one could get. The day that Phoenix walked in on Maya and Edgeworth kissing was still one of the most painful of his life. The betrayal stung him, that Maya would do that… he wouldn’t have thought it of her. The apologies were useless. They meant nothing to his broken heart, and yet… now that she was gone, his world seemed empty. She was gone and he had enough pride that the thought of chasing after her made him feel idiotic. It was over now, that was how the story ended, or so he would have thought. A case came in, he didn’t feel like taking it, but the desperation that the defendant displayed was enough to win him over. Despite his low mood, he arrived in court early. The defendant couldn’t have been more of a mess, the screaming and wailing at the loss of her husband reminded him that things could have been worse, much worse for him. The trial went smoothly, as smoothly as a messy case like that could go. The defendant found not guilty, Phoenix having done his job. He sighed, running his hand through his hair, defending opposite of Edgeworth had been a difficult task. Yet, strangely, in the deepest parts of himself… he was no longer bitter, no longer angry about the whole episode. He felt now as if he had overreacted, it was only a kiss, he knew that that was all that it was, yet he had thrown Maya onto the curb, something he soon began to regret. Life without her wasn’t complete, he sighed as he put his key into the door of his apartment. As he locked the door, he realized that it had been unlocked before. Warily, he unlocked the door and carefully entered the apartment. The one word he heard and the voice it belonged to made his heart stand still, “Nick…”
Somehow, together there was a stab in his heart, yet a lifting as well. As he looked over in the direction of the voice, his blue met with her brown. There was a silence between them, an uncomfortable one at that, but it wasn’t long ‘til he warily took her into his arms and vowed to never let her go again.
that was brilliant
YAY! Approval.
I like approval!
WunderbarPhalanges- Admin
- Number of posts : 13854
Age : 37
Registration date : 2008-12-13 -
Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by blinq Wed Jan 07, 2009 11:55 am
who doesn't ?WunderbarPhalanges wrote:.•°٭blinq٭°•. wrote:WunderbarPhalanges wrote:
- Spoiler:
Prayer ~ The Scarlet Pimpernel
No, stay…
I don’t care what you’ve said or done
Don’t go away…
Not now when life has just begun
The way the two had parted had been as far from positive as one could get. The day that Phoenix walked in on Maya and Edgeworth kissing was still one of the most painful of his life. The betrayal stung him, that Maya would do that… he wouldn’t have thought it of her. The apologies were useless. They meant nothing to his broken heart, and yet… now that she was gone, his world seemed empty. She was gone and he had enough pride that the thought of chasing after her made him feel idiotic. It was over now, that was how the story ended, or so he would have thought. A case came in, he didn’t feel like taking it, but the desperation that the defendant displayed was enough to win him over. Despite his low mood, he arrived in court early. The defendant couldn’t have been more of a mess, the screaming and wailing at the loss of her husband reminded him that things could have been worse, much worse for him. The trial went smoothly, as smoothly as a messy case like that could go. The defendant found not guilty, Phoenix having done his job. He sighed, running his hand through his hair, defending opposite of Edgeworth had been a difficult task. Yet, strangely, in the deepest parts of himself… he was no longer bitter, no longer angry about the whole episode. He felt now as if he had overreacted, it was only a kiss, he knew that that was all that it was, yet he had thrown Maya onto the curb, something he soon began to regret. Life without her wasn’t complete, he sighed as he put his key into the door of his apartment. As he locked the door, he realized that it had been unlocked before. Warily, he unlocked the door and carefully entered the apartment. The one word he heard and the voice it belonged to made his heart stand still, “Nick…”
Somehow, together there was a stab in his heart, yet a lifting as well. As he looked over in the direction of the voice, his blue met with her brown. There was a silence between them, an uncomfortable one at that, but it wasn’t long ‘til he warily took her into his arms and vowed to never let her go again.
that was brilliant
YAY! Approval.
I like approval!
blinq- God of Hugs
- Number of posts : 5626
Age : 31
Registration date : 2008-12-13
Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by WunderbarPhalanges Wed Jan 07, 2009 11:58 am
.•°٭blinq٭°•. wrote:who doesn't ?WunderbarPhalanges wrote:.•°٭blinq٭°•. wrote:WunderbarPhalanges wrote:
- Spoiler:
Prayer ~ The Scarlet Pimpernel
No, stay…
I don’t care what you’ve said or done
Don’t go away…
Not now when life has just begun
The way the two had parted had been as far from positive as one could get. The day that Phoenix walked in on Maya and Edgeworth kissing was still one of the most painful of his life. The betrayal stung him, that Maya would do that… he wouldn’t have thought it of her. The apologies were useless. They meant nothing to his broken heart, and yet… now that she was gone, his world seemed empty. She was gone and he had enough pride that the thought of chasing after her made him feel idiotic. It was over now, that was how the story ended, or so he would have thought. A case came in, he didn’t feel like taking it, but the desperation that the defendant displayed was enough to win him over. Despite his low mood, he arrived in court early. The defendant couldn’t have been more of a mess, the screaming and wailing at the loss of her husband reminded him that things could have been worse, much worse for him. The trial went smoothly, as smoothly as a messy case like that could go. The defendant found not guilty, Phoenix having done his job. He sighed, running his hand through his hair, defending opposite of Edgeworth had been a difficult task. Yet, strangely, in the deepest parts of himself… he was no longer bitter, no longer angry about the whole episode. He felt now as if he had overreacted, it was only a kiss, he knew that that was all that it was, yet he had thrown Maya onto the curb, something he soon began to regret. Life without her wasn’t complete, he sighed as he put his key into the door of his apartment. As he locked the door, he realized that it had been unlocked before. Warily, he unlocked the door and carefully entered the apartment. The one word he heard and the voice it belonged to made his heart stand still, “Nick…”
Somehow, together there was a stab in his heart, yet a lifting as well. As he looked over in the direction of the voice, his blue met with her brown. There was a silence between them, an uncomfortable one at that, but it wasn’t long ‘til he warily took her into his arms and vowed to never let her go again.
that was brilliant
YAY! Approval.
I like approval!
Hmm, you have a point there.
WunderbarPhalanges- Admin
- Number of posts : 13854
Age : 37
Registration date : 2008-12-13 -
Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by blinq Wed Jan 07, 2009 12:00 pm
A rare moment in my lifeWunderbarPhalanges wrote:.•°٭blinq٭°•. wrote:who doesn't ?WunderbarPhalanges wrote:.•°٭blinq٭°•. wrote:WunderbarPhalanges wrote:
- Spoiler:
Prayer ~ The Scarlet Pimpernel
No, stay…
I don’t care what you’ve said or done
Don’t go away…
Not now when life has just begun
The way the two had parted had been as far from positive as one could get. The day that Phoenix walked in on Maya and Edgeworth kissing was still one of the most painful of his life. The betrayal stung him, that Maya would do that… he wouldn’t have thought it of her. The apologies were useless. They meant nothing to his broken heart, and yet… now that she was gone, his world seemed empty. She was gone and he had enough pride that the thought of chasing after her made him feel idiotic. It was over now, that was how the story ended, or so he would have thought. A case came in, he didn’t feel like taking it, but the desperation that the defendant displayed was enough to win him over. Despite his low mood, he arrived in court early. The defendant couldn’t have been more of a mess, the screaming and wailing at the loss of her husband reminded him that things could have been worse, much worse for him. The trial went smoothly, as smoothly as a messy case like that could go. The defendant found not guilty, Phoenix having done his job. He sighed, running his hand through his hair, defending opposite of Edgeworth had been a difficult task. Yet, strangely, in the deepest parts of himself… he was no longer bitter, no longer angry about the whole episode. He felt now as if he had overreacted, it was only a kiss, he knew that that was all that it was, yet he had thrown Maya onto the curb, something he soon began to regret. Life without her wasn’t complete, he sighed as he put his key into the door of his apartment. As he locked the door, he realized that it had been unlocked before. Warily, he unlocked the door and carefully entered the apartment. The one word he heard and the voice it belonged to made his heart stand still, “Nick…”
Somehow, together there was a stab in his heart, yet a lifting as well. As he looked over in the direction of the voice, his blue met with her brown. There was a silence between them, an uncomfortable one at that, but it wasn’t long ‘til he warily took her into his arms and vowed to never let her go again.
that was brilliant
YAY! Approval.
I like approval!
Hmm, you have a point there.
blinq- God of Hugs
- Number of posts : 5626
Age : 31
Registration date : 2008-12-13
Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by WunderbarPhalanges Wed Jan 07, 2009 12:02 pm
.•°٭blinq٭°•. wrote:A rare moment in my lifeWunderbarPhalanges wrote:.•°٭blinq٭°•. wrote:who doesn't ?WunderbarPhalanges wrote:.•°٭blinq٭°•. wrote:WunderbarPhalanges wrote:
- Spoiler:
Prayer ~ The Scarlet Pimpernel
No, stay…
I don’t care what you’ve said or done
Don’t go away…
Not now when life has just begun
The way the two had parted had been as far from positive as one could get. The day that Phoenix walked in on Maya and Edgeworth kissing was still one of the most painful of his life. The betrayal stung him, that Maya would do that… he wouldn’t have thought it of her. The apologies were useless. They meant nothing to his broken heart, and yet… now that she was gone, his world seemed empty. She was gone and he had enough pride that the thought of chasing after her made him feel idiotic. It was over now, that was how the story ended, or so he would have thought. A case came in, he didn’t feel like taking it, but the desperation that the defendant displayed was enough to win him over. Despite his low mood, he arrived in court early. The defendant couldn’t have been more of a mess, the screaming and wailing at the loss of her husband reminded him that things could have been worse, much worse for him. The trial went smoothly, as smoothly as a messy case like that could go. The defendant found not guilty, Phoenix having done his job. He sighed, running his hand through his hair, defending opposite of Edgeworth had been a difficult task. Yet, strangely, in the deepest parts of himself… he was no longer bitter, no longer angry about the whole episode. He felt now as if he had overreacted, it was only a kiss, he knew that that was all that it was, yet he had thrown Maya onto the curb, something he soon began to regret. Life without her wasn’t complete, he sighed as he put his key into the door of his apartment. As he locked the door, he realized that it had been unlocked before. Warily, he unlocked the door and carefully entered the apartment. The one word he heard and the voice it belonged to made his heart stand still, “Nick…”
Somehow, together there was a stab in his heart, yet a lifting as well. As he looked over in the direction of the voice, his blue met with her brown. There was a silence between them, an uncomfortable one at that, but it wasn’t long ‘til he warily took her into his arms and vowed to never let her go again.
that was brilliant
YAY! Approval.
I like approval!
Hmm, you have a point there.
I doubt that.
I have so many ideas for fics now... well, songs to go off of. It'll be interesting.
WunderbarPhalanges- Admin
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Registration date : 2008-12-13 -
Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by WunderbarPhalanges Fri Jan 09, 2009 8:09 am
AND NOW... IT IS TIME...
FOR THE STORY THAT WILL SMOTHER YOU IN ANGST.
SMOTHER SMOTHER.
*posts angsty story link on original post*
FOR THE STORY THAT WILL SMOTHER YOU IN ANGST.
SMOTHER SMOTHER.
*posts angsty story link on original post*
WunderbarPhalanges- Admin
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Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by WunderbarPhalanges Sat Jan 10, 2009 8:07 am
... isn't anyone going to read my fic?
WunderbarPhalanges- Admin
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Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by blinq Sat Jan 10, 2009 8:22 am
I already read the half!
It's so long
It's so long
blinq- God of Hugs
- Number of posts : 5626
Age : 31
Registration date : 2008-12-13
Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by WunderbarPhalanges Sat Jan 10, 2009 8:23 am
Yay, someone is reading it!
I'm gonna make my mom read it. Buwhahahaha. ... anyhow.
I'm gonna make my mom read it. Buwhahahaha. ... anyhow.
WunderbarPhalanges- Admin
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Age : 37
Registration date : 2008-12-13 -
Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by blinq Sat Jan 10, 2009 8:24 am
*eyeroll* ...WunderbarPhalanges wrote:I'm gonna make my mom read it. Buwhahahaha. ... anyhow.
blinq- God of Hugs
- Number of posts : 5626
Age : 31
Registration date : 2008-12-13
Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by WunderbarPhalanges Sat Jan 10, 2009 8:25 am
.•°٭blinq٭°•. wrote:*eyeroll* ...WunderbarPhalanges wrote:I'm gonna make my mom read it. Buwhahahaha. ... anyhow.
Whaaaat?
WunderbarPhalanges- Admin
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Age : 37
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Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by blinq Sat Jan 10, 2009 8:27 am
I wouldn't make my mom read stuff like thisWunderbarPhalanges wrote:.•°٭blinq٭°•. wrote:*eyeroll* ...WunderbarPhalanges wrote:I'm gonna make my mom read it. Buwhahahaha. ... anyhow.
Whaaaat?
blinq- God of Hugs
- Number of posts : 5626
Age : 31
Registration date : 2008-12-13
Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by WunderbarPhalanges Sat Jan 10, 2009 8:30 am
.•°٭blinq٭°•. wrote:I wouldn't make my mom read stuff like thisWunderbarPhalanges wrote:.•°٭blinq٭°•. wrote:*eyeroll* ...WunderbarPhalanges wrote:I'm gonna make my mom read it. Buwhahahaha. ... anyhow.
Whaaaat?
"Like this" equals:
Angsty?
Two gay guys?
Long?
Um... or fanfics?
WunderbarPhalanges- Admin
- Number of posts : 13854
Age : 37
Registration date : 2008-12-13 -
Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by blinq Sat Jan 10, 2009 8:34 am
WunderbarPhalanges wrote:.•°٭blinq٭°•. wrote:I wouldn't make my mom read stuff like thisWunderbarPhalanges wrote:.•°٭blinq٭°•. wrote:*eyeroll* ...WunderbarPhalanges wrote:I'm gonna make my mom read it. Buwhahahaha. ... anyhow.
Whaaaat?
"Like this" equals:
Angsty?
Two gay guys?
Long?
Um... or fanfics?
all that
blinq- God of Hugs
- Number of posts : 5626
Age : 31
Registration date : 2008-12-13
Re: Whipped's Fanfiction - Comments, etc.
by WunderbarPhalanges Sat Jan 10, 2009 8:35 am
She reads long stuff all the time.
Gay guys... not so much...
Like never... >>
Oh, how he rules our typing.
Gay guys... not so much...
Like never... >>
Oh, how he rules our typing.
WunderbarPhalanges- Admin
- Number of posts : 13854
Age : 37
Registration date : 2008-12-13 -
blinq- God of Hugs
- Number of posts : 5626
Age : 31
Registration date : 2008-12-13
WunderbarPhalanges- Admin
- Number of posts : 13854
Age : 37
Registration date : 2008-12-13 -
blinq- God of Hugs
- Number of posts : 5626
Age : 31
Registration date : 2008-12-13
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